Eureka Christian Church

Reflecting Christ's Light from Our Doorsteps to the Ends of the Earth

Relationships

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How can the congregation better support our leadership?

You all do all the managing, planning and preparation for the service to keep us in good spiritual health.  What can we, the congregation, do for you, the leadership, to keep you well?

“Where two or more are gathered in my name, I’m right there in the midst of them.”  It’s a truly awesome thing we do, when we gather to worship!  There are many of us.  We preach, teach, pray, make us aware of outreach, play instruments, sing, operate sound equipment, prepare communion, serve communion, prepare bulletins, greet, count the offering, and open and close the buildings.  We keep the buildings clean and in good shape, and we keep the grounds looking beautiful.  We do all of this so that we can gather in God’s name! 

What can we do to keep the leadership well?  We can show love.   Many of us are already doing that.  Take credit!  Most of us are familiar with Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, 1992.  We each have a particular way of showing love, so use the “love language” that is natural for you! Here are some ideas:

          *Words of Affirmation.  Was something meaningful to you in worship? Tell it.  Say it.  Write it.

          *Acts of Service.  Many, many of you are contributing to worship itself.  Some contribute their time and energy in cleaning, mowing, and repairing.  And, there’s always planning and teaching.

          *Quality Time.  Be totally present when you’re interacting.

          *Physical Touch.  There are always hugs, pats on the back, hand squeezes.

          *Gifts.  You already do this.   There are gifts from the garden.  Baked dishes.  A flower or two.  Small things that show your appreciation.

A final note:  If and when you might have some constructive observation or criticism, take a hint from Dale Carnegie—yesteryear’s How to Win Friends and Influence People—make a sandwich:  Wrap your criticism/observation/beef in between words of affirmation.  It goes down better that way!

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How do I respond to people I completely disagree with?

How can I respond in a faithful, caring way to people I completely disagree with?

Disagreements are a difficult part of our human experience, but for Christians and for the church, they have always been with us. We need only look at Paul’s letter to the Galatians or the writings of fourth-century Christians about the relationship between Jesus and God during the First Council of Nicaea to see that Christians have disagreed strongly with each other about many things throughout history. So, your question is a good one; “How do I respond to, or affirm someone with whom I disagree?”

One suggestion I will offer is to remember that the view that someone holds that differs from yours is not the only thing that determines who that person is. Regardless of whether you disagree with who that person votes for, their views on social issues, their faith or absence of belief, or any other concern, you may still be alike in more ways than you are different. In a 2009 TED talk, Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie spoke about the danger of a single story, or the danger of allowing only one part of a person’s identity frame our perception of that person. Here is a link to that TED talk, and I highly recommend it.

If you are someone who believes in the mission of the church, Michael Kinnamon and Jan Linn write about the implications of covenant relationship in their book Disciples: Who We Are and What Holds Us Together. They write,

This means, of course, that a church built on covenant must accept, even value, a diversity of perspective. The commitment we make is not always to agree, but to walk together as we attempt to discern where God would have us go. If the church is a purely voluntary association, then when we disagree we can simply take our marbles and leave. If, however, the church is a covenantal society constituted by God’s initiative, then we stay at the table, especially when it is tough to do so.” [1]

These are challenging words from Kinnamon and Linn, but for me they describe part of the “heavy lifting” of discipleship.

[1] Michael Kinnamon and Jan Linn, Disciples: Who We Are and What Holds Us Together (St. Louis: Christian Book Publishers, 2019), 14.

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How do I help a young person going through a transgender experience?

How do I respond to and serve a young person going through a transgender experience and their parents are rejecting them?

The first and most significant thing you can do to help respond to and serve a young person in this situation likely feels almost like an overly simplistic answer: you listen.

If they have asked to be called by a new name and/or new pronouns, use them. If they need to let out frustrations or just their emotions, listen. The reason for this is oftentimes, when their parents and family reject a transgender youth, they find themselves without anyone to listen to them and hear them.

The following steps will depend, but find out their specific situation:

  • What help do they need?
  • What are they lacking at the moment because of this rejection?
  • Are they homeless or at risk of being kicked out?
  • Are there avenues that their parents are pursuing potentially regarding conversion therapy?
  • Can they find a place to support them if they need it in a crisis?

Services exist for youth in a crisis like this, often depending on the person’s age and location. Look into your specific area; some resources may be available, and some might not. Places like thetrevorproject.org offer online, call, and text helplines specifically for LGBTQIA+ and transgender youth in crisis and can help them get resources targeted for their area.

On a more active level, if the youth is comfortable and their parent’s rejection comes from a place of faith (most of the time, rejection of transgender identity is due to the idea that transgender is somehow sinful or against biblical teaching), ask if they would be open to you speaking to their parents about it. This could be done either with the youth present, and you acting as a mediator or without them there. Some might be comfortable with this; others might not.

If you aren’t sure what to say to common talking points or where to start for your own knowledge on transgender experiences within the concept of faith and Chrisitanity, welcomingresources.org has an excellent pdf guide for those in faith communities, and this article from Queer Theology also offers some great insight.

At the end of the day, all you can do is listen and try to offer transgender youth the best support you can through that listening. Sometimes, that might mean that all you can do is be a shoulder for them to cry on and a safe adult to go to. Make sure they understand that they are safe and respected with you.

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Will God forgive me?

Will God forgive me for whatever it is I have done, or must I continue to suffer?

We  might re-frame the question this way: If I repeatedly hurt myself or another person, or, for example, if I relapse into the very thing I told myself I would never ever do again (and that I told my loved ones I would never ever do again); given just how deep my regret is, and given just how much damage it’s done to my relationships, will I ever feel the feeling of forgiveness again? Will I ever feel again what it feels like to be whole? Will I ever feel restored or reconciled to the person I’ve hurt (or to myself)? 

A theologian once said, sin and forgiveness run “horizontally” and “vertically.” Sin and forgiveness involve both our relationship to God and our relationships with other people. On the one hand, when we hurt people we care about (or when we do harm or hurt to ourselves) God unfailingly forgives and draws close to us when we ask. But this doesn’t negate or erase relational damage. In a vertical sense, we are always accepted and loved by a God whose spirit nourishes every possibility of life within us. This is true even when we cause pain, feel regret for it, and in the aftermath struggle to accept or love ourselves. However, in a horizontal sense, relational healing and forgiveness take time. Relational healing is a process. Meaningful relationships weather powerful storms, but they are fragile when trust is broken. When a relationship is damaged or a wound reopened, healing is a long and winding path. It requires love, time, honesty, and re-building the foundations of fidelity or trust. Depending on the damage caused, the path doesn’t always lead where we expect or want. Sometimes reconciliation keeps a safe distance, especially when the damage caused is cyclical or abusive.  Horizontal forgiveness, especially for serious relational damage or pain, is long-haul soul care.

What about when I know I’m forgiven horizontally and vertically, but I continue to struggle (internally) with my regret? What about when I’m unable to forgive myself?

Suffering is painful, especially if it is regret. But suffering is also the soul’s attentiveness to the deep feelings that pass through us. As Henri Nouwen might say, suffering is a place where we encounter ourselves laid bare. When suffering is unrelenting, we need to seek help. But when suffering is redemptive or meaningful, it can attune us to the possibility and hope of healing and wholeness in God’s bright and loving future. God’s forgiveness does not cease. The judgment of God is that forgiveness and love have the final say. But it’s also true that healing from deep spiritual or relational hurt is like healing from a severe physical injury. Wounds need to be dressed, bathed, cleaned, and redressed through the habits of attentiveness, listening, honesty, hope, and trust. Healing and forgiveness aren’t feelings only; they are a process.

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How do I know when to open my mouth and when to keep it shut?

I need help knowing when to open my mouth and when to keep it shut! (Even when I know
I’m right.)
My suggestion is for you to reflect on instances when you have said something that you
later regretted, and then ask yourself whether it is more important to be right or more important
to be on good terms with people you know. I also think it’s all right if you express your opinion
if you are able to really hear another person’s opinion as well. It isn’t as important that you both
agree in the end, but more important that you both walk away from the conversation feeling
heard and respected. If you end up saying something you regret, you can ask for forgiveness and
keep trying to do better. We all need grace.

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What does scripture say about marriage?

What does scripture and Jesus say about marriage/who can marry? Is marriage between a man and women only or can LGBTQ persons legally marry?

As you are probably aware, the issue of same-sex marriage is a controversial and potentially divisive issue in the church. My personal belief is that the Bible is silent regarding who can and cannot marry. The only time I can recall Jesus speaking about marriage is in Mt 22:30, but his comments are in response to Pharisees who are trying to trap Jesus, and are really more about resurrection than marriage. As is often the case, the context of what Jesus is saying is important.

The second part of your question asks if LGBTQ persons can legally marry. In the United States, the answer to that question is determined by individual states, and within Illinois, same-sex marriage is legal. However, I think you mean to ask what the Bible sanctions. Different people answer that question differently – and very passionately. I am providing links below that present opposing views, and you can find people with each of these views within the membership of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).

https://www.hrc.org/resources/what-does-the-bible-say-about-homosexuality

https://calvarychapel.com/posts/marriage-by-design-understanding-the-bibles-perspective-on-homosexuality/

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

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How do I show love?

How do I show love?

What is love? At its heart and very roots love is caring deeply about people and caring calls for “action” that puts flesh and bones to love. It certainly is not sentimentality. Sometimes love to be tough, but always caring. Love requires a deep commitment to other people in which the self is set aside to caring things can be carried out. Maybe it is contributions to the food pantry, maybe it is being sure a handicapped person gets needed transportation or food. Maybe it is sitting with someone who is very ill or maybe something as simple as a telephone call or a card or babysitting. God does use you for this. It is a fantastic experience.

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What can be done about all the division in our country today?

Questions: What can be done about all the division in our country today? How can I love a neighbor who is detestable?

These are difficult but crucially important questions. Shortly after receiving these questions, I came across a thoughtful and challenging article written by Adam Russell Taylor in the October 27 issue of the Sojourners newsletter, which seems to me to provide a way to think about how we may respond to the polarization and division in our nation.

Taylor suggests we begin with the church and affirms that “The church should be a place where people with divergent political views can coexist and be in fellowship because our unity in Christ supersedes our political and partisan loyalties. As the Apostle Paul reminded the Galatian church, in Christ ‘There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.’”

And yet, polls indicate that a majority of Christians prefer to attend churches where people already share their political views. And in many churches, the minister feels constrained to avoid raising issues over which the congregants may be divided.

Despite this, the church cannot simply disengage from politics. That would mean abdicating “the church’s critical role in serving as an instrument of justice, righteousness, and peace in the world.” Rather, the church should “serve as a balm, a bridge, and a beacon in an increasingly divided nation and world.”

To serve as a balm “requires a deep commitment to reconciliation, telling the truth, and repairing relationships broken by injustice.” This includes being honest about how our churches have often failed to display the inclusive love that was exemplified by Jesus.

Pastors and lay leaders need to remind their congregations of the biblical values of loving our neighbors, exhibiting kindness and faithfulness, and, at the same time, the courage to stand up for our beliefs.

Finally, Taylor points to the concept of the “Beloved Community,” which he suggests “is one in which every person is valued, is seen, and is enabled to thrive. It requires building a society in which neither punishment nor privilege is tied to race, ethnicity, gender, religion, ableness, or sexual orientation.”

Churches, their leaders, and their members could use this vision — which is rooted in Christian values — to draw people of differing political views into a commitment to a common goal: attempting to become the Beloved Community. Perhaps this commitment could help us overcome the divisiveness and polarization so prevalent in our country.

The whole article is worth reading and contemplating. It may be found at: Taylor, Sojourners