Developing more patience as a parent in the everyday grind.

How can I develop more patience as a parent and toward the everyday work/household grind?

There are seasons in life, and I think most would say the parenting/everyday work/household grind season is very difficult—the latter two never go away, but the parenting season can be a particular challenge. There are several approaches which can be helpful (maybe all being implemented at once):

1. Impatience, or, for that matter, any kind of chronic negative experience, is typically a sign that things are out of balance in our lives.  It is important to identify what is out of balance, and to try to find some balance.  Sometimes this means removing some negatives (it might even seem like a positive, but if it has become a negative hassle, then it might be worth removing from your life). It often means adding some positives, too—positive people, positive activities that do not feel demanding. (see number 2 below). There is a concept called Flow—when people do challenging things they have skill in, they come away from the activity invigorated and recharged. Seeking out more of such activities can be helpful.

• Play is important.  The more busy with taxing things we are, the more we need to play.  Years ago I read a book called Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places.  The book itself was excellent.  However, I wanted it because of the title. Sometimes we can get so caught up in doing the grind things in life we lose sight of the positives. I am encouraged by the mental picture of King David dancing in celebration and praise on his way back from a battle one day—he was letting loose, “playing.”

• Meditation. Meditation allows us to slow down and become aware of God’s presence, but also ourselves—our deeper needs. I sometimes think of these as things we are “hungry” for.  We need food, and air, and water, but we also need other things. We we allow ourselves to slow down on a regular basis and meditate, those deeper needs can surface in our minds. This is a difficult practice, however, because this seems very counterintuitive in the midst of a busy life!  However, as with most things, it becomes easier with practice. It also becomes something that, in and of itself, develops more of a draw for us the more we do it and the more we see the benefits of it.

• Reframing can be helpful, stepping back to see the big picture of our lives and the blessings in the midst of the strain. It can sometimes be helpful to imagine if the strains were not present, and how great our lives would be then (e.g., no child or children, no spouse, no job, and so forth; this would be similar to Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life, when he wishes he had never been born).